Marty Beckerman.com When did you first know that you wanted to be a writer? When I was a little kid -- eight years old or so -- I would draw comics like Fluffy the Ninja Mouse and Hair Tonic Man, and then try to sell them to my friends for a quarter. Nobody bought any. Too bad... it was the tightest fiction that I've ever written, as well as the pinnacle of the last four centuries of Western civilization. Can you tell us a little bit about your road to publishing? I self-published my first book, Death to All Cheerleaders, with my bar mitzvah cash when I was 17. That was a terrible experience but it garnered a lot of attention -- mostly because of my age -- and eventually led to a deal with MTV Books for the follow-up, Generation S.L.U.T., so I can't say that I regret it, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone either. Self-publishing is the loneliest thing that you'll ever go through, unless you hire a vanity press -- which is even more shameless -- because you have to serve as the author, editor, designer, promoter, distributor, fluffer, etc. I would recommend spending your time trying to find a literary agent, unless you only want to write for your friends and family, which is kind of like having sex with your friends and family: it might be fun and gratifying, but you probably shouldn't brag about it. Tell us a little bit about either your latest or upcoming release. My next book is Retard Nation: Jesus Freaks vs. Stupid Hippies. The publisher canceled it a few months before the August release date, which was the biggest professional letdown that I've ever faced, and probably the first time that I've seriously considered quitting the writing gig and going to grad school for psychology or something. It was devastating, especially since the publisher had already pushed the release date back six months to give the editor time to work on the book, which was originally supposed to come out in February 2006. I'm in the process of signing with a new publisher, so I hope to have good news soon, as well as a means of paying my rent and bar tabs. The book is about how political extremists are all bad for freedom, whether they're on the Left or Right, and also how those extremists on both sides target kids for brainwashing. It's kind of like the Team America of books: it's going to offend everyone, but I really believe that people can enjoy being insulted if their opponents are insulted with equal ruthlessness. I'll update my readers about the publisher situation on my blog. What, or who, has been the greatest inspiration for your stories? The hatred in my heart and the urges in my loins. Let’s hear about your family, who I’m sure are thrilled to have a published author among them! As my mom puts it, "I'm proud of your book, just not what's inside of it." My sense of humor comes from my dad, so he probably enjoys my writing more, but my mom likes my serious pieces, especially when they have no naughty words. So basically she's ashamed of everything that I've written since 1999. Now for some fun facts. What’s your greatest comfort food? Johnnie Walker Black Label. What are the first three things you do when you wake up in the morning? Check my e-mail. Brush my teeth. Commence boozing. If I came to your house and looked in your closet/attic/basement, what’s the one thing that would surprise me the most? I have so many hilarious answers to this question, but America's law enforcement officers have no sense of humor. Which cartoon character is most like you? I'd say that I'm a mix between Eric Cartman and Fry from Futurama. I love to push the limits of proper discourse, but I'm also very much an average American guy. Chicks dig it. If you could beam yourself to anywhere in the world (“Beam me up, Scotty!”), during any time in history, where and when would it be—and why? I'd want to see if all the miracles in the Bible -- Old and New Testaments -- really happened. I would also travel back in time before Michelle Branch's 40-year-old bassist got her preggers and married her. We have the same initials, we're the same height, our favorite Beatles album is the White Album, and we're equally attractive -- we are clearly soulmates -- and yet she is married to a man nearly two decades her senior. Reality is broken, and this is a greater injustice than anything that transpires at Guantanamo Bay. So what’s your favorite type of music to listen to? Favorite musical artists? Do you listen to music while you’re writing? I like punk rock when I'm writing, but I listen to a lot of Beach Boys and Paul Simon. I also recommend William Shatner's Has Been. Shatner is my other celebrity crush. I would totally go for a Shatner/Branch/Beckerman three-way, with Shatner in the middle. You have the chance to give one piece of advice to your teen readers. What would it be? Read as many authors as possible. You're going to sound like your influences, so as you read more writers, your own voice becomes more original. I've had periods when I sounded too much like Dave Barry and Hunter Thompson because they were the only authors that I read at the time. Don't think of yourself as the "new" anyone. In the past I wanted to be the new Barry and the new Thompson -- and fans of those authors encouraged this -- but your fans can tell when you're not being yourself, even if they've never read the other writer's work. Try to be the first you, not the next someone else. Also, if your name is Kaavya, kill yourself. One last question. What stories can we look forward to from you in the future? I'm working on a spin-off of Generation S.L.U.T. featuring the character Trevor, who was the villain. I'd like to think that people will remember this as my Lord of the Rings compared to the Hobbit of S.L.U.T., but I have a long way to go and Tolkien doesn't have many rape scenes. Fiction is really hard for me; it takes me two hours to get one good page, but I like the results so far. With 200 pages left to go, I should have it done sometime in the next.... oh God, what was I saying about a psychology degree? Again, thanks for joining us at TeensReadToo.com!
